Slap and sack

The cricket commercial lottery called IPL roulette has ended up creating two camps; fence sitters can keep sitting uncomfortably perched on those long logs with thick sharp nails penetrating the soft skin of their ample posteriors. Strictly not recommended.

The first lot is called the Modi-Moolah-Mania group which currently hogs the limelight, seemingly running on the high adrenalin of having survived the crucial first half of the sweltering calendar, with reasonable reasons to believe that they have pulled off a terrific coup. The dubious TRP ratings, to be best taken with a pinch of salt, pepper and red chilies, indicates that IPL has recorded good initials , and has survived the testing period, despite a black-out, a slap and sacking. The second lot, a struggling minority of more conventional die-hards, who had predicted doomsday for IPL by this time, are at the moment contemplating either a meek acceptance of the new business reality or getting prepared for a long, bruised battle even if the odds are as against them, as common sense is to George Bush. This latter congregation has been almost imperceptibly branded as " purists". Unfortunately, the purists are not being lauded for their valiant efforts at fighting for preservation of core cricketing values, but are being summarily rubbished as old-fashioned, orthodox, obtuse buffoons who had rather use a ticking typewriter when a sleek Blackberry comes as a complimentary offer. As of now the score reads, the Modi brigade leading the grand slam contest , 6-3, 3-1. But remember Jimmy Connors, the old ageing warhorse in that incredible US Open? Well then, all I will say is that the match is still on.

My head reels with the unending reels of IPL soap opera running endlessly at prime time. And front page headlines, day in and day out. It is a national obsession of epic proportions, perhaps best matched by general elections every 3-5 years in India. I think even if PM Manmohan Singh and Left parties chief spokesman Prakash Karat are spotted having a coffee date with Mayawati for comely company, it will be insufficient fodder to displace or replace a hurricane knock by one Ravinder Jadeja somewhere. The IPL exposure is numbing to the point of being like downright caged in an ice-box.

A CEO is sacked with palpable brutality in a well-orchestrated public execution after about 2 weeks , because his team owner is confused the T20 circus with the Formula 1 race. Instant gratification has indeed assumed new dimensions with the biggest summer release the country has seen so far. India's national hero who inspired images of freedom fighters and Bhagat Singh a few months ago , casually slapped that irrepressible fellow with that chimpanzee countenance called S Srresanth. Creating in the process a controversy that has made the Watergate scandal in India look like a sad First world wonder. Slapgate , in fact, has added millions of extra eye-balls of gaping kids, excited young women watching sweaty cricketers in colourful avatars, and apparently even bespectacled grand-ma's. In the process, even the ever reliable Shah Rukh Khan has it seems had to take second place for his first-rate program for the fifth standard types.

In between, Shane Warne and Sourav Ganguly have had a sarcastic spat, and almost anyone and everyone with broad shoulders and a light bat has threatened to hit the ball into the nearby shopping mall. Bowlers have visibly cursed profanities, watching helplessly as their brilliantly bowled deliveries are hit towards every conceivable corner of the shortened boundary-line, with atrocious ease. Yosuf Pathan is India's new poster-boy, as is Gautam Gambhir, Rohit Sharma and Shane Warne himself . Rahul Dravid, India's greatest ever perhaps, has a reputation crisis, being castigated for playing solid front-foot defensive strokes and a strike rate of just over 100. Ridiculous! The fact that Sachin Tendulkar, Lord and Master, has not yet played a single match thanks to a nagging mysterious groin injury that seems to be lingering endlessly on, is hardly being noticed. Because in IPL T20 every day a hero or two is born, even as 11 are hung as cowardly villains. And then the roles are reversed.

The gutsy and girlie gang of cheerleaders are being sadly humiliated by sex-starved spectators , even as it is Bollywood presence that is often the main hook for drawing crowds. Rumour-mongers insist that ticket sales have been below average, but sponsors have been generous donors, and complimentary tickets exceed gate sales by 4 to 1. That usually explains the packed stands. But in several cities, the IPL mania is beginning to perceptibly wane. And we are yet to see a single stadium swathed in city colours. Barring SRK's sleek apparel and merchandise launch, and possibly Delhi Daredevils, the rest of the team clothing hardly look worthy of an evening wear.

We are exactly half-way in this IPL road-story, and barring the usual couple of close finishes, the quality of cricket has been sadly pathetic. It has been an uneven contest, allowing nondescript players with limited talent to look like giant-killers. Frankly, even the close encounters thanks to the limiting nature of the game itself , looks contrived, almost melodramatically forced, which robs the game of a truly engaging battle. When even a last-ball dramatic finish is considered a highly potential possibility, the edge of seat thrill dissipates. It's early days yet, but believe me, one can sense the ennui setting in of those lofty sixes hit at regular intervals with premeditated comfort. You are right, cricket will never be the same again. Because, it's whole premise, ethos and character has been painstakingly mauled. The repercussions of Modi's money-making machine will be felt , sooner rather than later.

It is 6-3 and 3-1 in IPL's favor right now. But remember, this is a five-setter. And it's too early to yet say, game, set and match.